Monday 22 October 2012

Kehinde Adeyemi: 10 all time funny questions National Youth Corpers ask


23:27 hrs, Sunday October 6th. It’s barely two weeks to POP (Batch C, 2011) and as i lay recuperating from a Malaria bout, i caught myself reminiscing about my Service year. I thought about this unique and habitual questions Corp members always play around with. On average, ten out of every ten Corpers find themselves either asking or being asked one of these questions.
Honestly I perceive all the questions relevant. Some are hilarious too! Let’s see them.
Did you work/ ‘runs’ your service?
Ahah! If you get to serve in a choice region such as FCT (Abuja), Ogun (Abeokuta), Rivers (Portharcourt) or Lagos, you most likely find yourself not been asked but, accused of this! Yes Corpers do influence their service region postings! Infact there exist internal ‘runsing’ which is in-state posting to favorable regions. Three phenomenons with respect to this never seize to amaze me; how Corpers pay as much as #100, 000, or some Ladies sleep with men to get this done even when they get told straight up results aren’t guaranteed?, how this rather illegal business thrives, craftfully evading the law? And the unexplainably hilarious ‘hand of God and Leg of man’ mechanism behind its working principle! Corpers influence their postings for reasons ranging from Security/ health to increased cash flow (states like Lagos and Rivers pay additional Corp-rated mouth watering allowance sums other than that paid by the FG. FCT doesn’t pay but, it is ABUJA now!)
Will you/ did you Re-deploy?
Obviously, I suppose the most annoying situation any youth corp member might get to face is dealing with deployment to a state with significant unrest! Even more annoying is the question of why authorities post this way yet permit Corpers to be subjected to the extra stress of Re-deployment. Why not just avoid deployment to such states straight up? Honestly, youth corp members do not perceive ‘service to their beloved’ nation as exposure of lives to rather avoidable risk! It is said too that desperate Corp members whose ‘runsing’ efforts fail to yield results at the initial stage often give it a second shot at Re-deployment for every possible contortable reason.
When is PC submission?
Once every week Corp members are mandated to present themselves for participation in CDS and once every month, the Performance Clearance (PC, which confirms service at PPA) must be submitted otherwise, ‘Alawi’ may be forfeited! Corp members dread this ofcourse so, a hidden rule every smart Corp member knows to obey is this; ‘other CD days thou mayest miss but, thou shalt not be absent on PC submission day’. Even the perpetual absentees from CDS are smart enough to obey this rule!
Have you gotten alert?
For 12 months, Corpers must serve, and for 12 months also, deserving Corpers must be paid! If you are yet to serve, I must let you know that ‘Alawi’ business is serious business. Ever since the FG thought to increase the Youth Corp allowance from #9,800 to the current #19, 800, Corp members have been ‘like them that dreamt’ because this seemingly small amount is usually a life saver for many of them especially ones having to deal with unsubsidized high costs of living. The non timely receipt of monthly payment, especially when delayed, usually will tend towards ‘disaster’ or what I call ‘civil unrest’. The pidgin version of this question is most common though; ‘you don see alert’? If rated, this question would easily pass for the most asked.
What’s your PPA?
PPA means Place of Primary Assignment, that is the firm or Organization a Corper gets to serve in. Yes many corp members ‘runs’/ influence this too! I do not know why they ask this question but who doesn’t want to serve in a big, well paying organization; Oil companies, top Banks, National Assembly or even the State house? Job security, connection and increased Cash inflow top the reasons why they seek choice PPAs, very few or close to none have self development opportunities or true service as motivation for this.
How much are they paying?
Very funny! I really don’t know the morale behind this very question too but I guess Corpers consiously or subconciously rate themselves pay-status wise when they ask this question. You most likely are tagged ‘big boy’ or ‘gurl’ if your monthly pay by your PPA exceeds the #30, 000 mark. Guys claim it gives them the edge with the Ladies too. Don’t bother asking me, I don’t know how true the claim is!
Are they retaining you?
If you are a youth corp member reading this, you may have noticed the rather subtle apprehension on the face of colleagues when they ask this question? Its amazing the almost predictable ‘WOW’ expression that proceeds from the Questioner when one declares a confirmed retentionship status in a ‘big’ firm. Feelings of hope are heightened when PPA retentionship is guaranteed and others will usually see the need to secure theirs too. This question is most common towards end of service year.
What Batch are you?
When you do something unique, you betray this question! ‘Unique’ would range from ‘odd’ to ‘superb’. Everyone immediately knows you are a fresh ‘Otondo’ when you go to CDS in Jungle boots with NYSC crested vest tucked into Khaki trousers and this in turn tucked into your green-white stockings. You are the ideal ‘Otondo’! Chances are if you engage a project commanding state or national attention, fellow corpers get inspired and want to know your batch too.
What’s your CD group?
CDS stands for Community Development Service. Believe me; I don’t get the fascination with this question. Corpers just always want to know. Whether it’s the all too disciplined over-active MDGs or the less strict Sanitation or EFCC, CD activities may tell colleagues of your CD day engagement schedule or even potential employers whether or not to demand presence at work after CDS.
When is POP?
Yes o! Never have I come across a corp member who desires a second service term! This question is most relevant to the latest batch due for Passing out Parade (POP) and usually poised by same. From successful Certificates collection to post NYSC employment prospects, they always look forward to it. Many believe indeed that gone are the days when the NYSC scheme was a thing of pride. Anyways, it is true that anything that has a known beginning logically should have a known end so, why not service year too?
Corpers We! I hail thee!!
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