Friday, 1 February 2013

Obama Nominates White Man As New First Lady


Saying he just happened to be the “most well-prepared for the job,” Pres. Obama nominated 57-year-old Caucasian Jeff Simmons to become his next First Lady.
Mr. Simmons, an exceedingly white man from Madison, Wisc., has no comparable experience at the federal or familial level, but Obama extolled his many virtues that suited him for the high-level position as his intimate life partner. “I am proud to nominate Jeff as First Lady and I expect he’ll be confirmed quickly,” said Mr. Obama.
“My family cannot wait to have the strong, supportive wife and mother that Jeff is uniquely suited to be.” Mr. Obama made the unexpected announcement Thursday morning in the Rose Garden, following nominations of several other white men for key administration positions. Facing some questions about diversity, the president cited the role’s need for a special, highly exclusive skill set and the lack of suitable candidates from which to choose nominees.
“Look, it’s not easy to be First Lady,” said the President, winking toward a scowling, heretofore unaware Michelle Obama. “I want to thank my current First Lady, Michelle, for leaving a remarkable legacy as my significant other. Jeff’s got some big shoes to fill.”
After the event, senior White House officials said Obama has also assembled a short list of candidates to replace his daughters in the second term. Sources say the top contenders are Gov. Chris Christie and former Pres. Bill Clinton.
Naij

Obama Nominates White Man As New First Lady


Saying he just happened to be the “most well-prepared for the job,” Pres. Obama nominated 57-year-old Caucasian Jeff Simmons to become his next First Lady.
Mr. Simmons, an exceedingly white man from Madison, Wisc., has no comparable experience at the federal or familial level, but Obama extolled his many virtues that suited him for the high-level position as his intimate life partner. “I am proud to nominate Jeff as First Lady and I expect he’ll be confirmed quickly,” said Mr. Obama.
“My family cannot wait to have the strong, supportive wife and mother that Jeff is uniquely suited to be.” Mr. Obama made the unexpected announcement Thursday morning in the Rose Garden, following nominations of several other white men for key administration positions. Facing some questions about diversity, the president cited the role’s need for a special, highly exclusive skill set and the lack of suitable candidates from which to choose nominees.
“Look, it’s not easy to be First Lady,” said the President, winking toward a scowling, heretofore unaware Michelle Obama. “I want to thank my current First Lady, Michelle, for leaving a remarkable legacy as my significant other. Jeff’s got some big shoes to fill.”
After the event, senior White House officials said Obama has also assembled a short list of candidates to replace his daughters in the second term. Sources say the top contenders are Gov. Chris Christie and former Pres. Bill Clinton.
Naij

Stranger In The Coffin Instead Of Dead Wife


A grieving husband was horrified when he opened the casket at his dead wife's funeral and found a total stranger inside, it was reported today.
Michael Galant told of his shock after staff at a funeral home accidentally put a different woman inside a coffin he was expecting to contain the body of his wife Magdalene Galant, 58. The South African widower and his daughter Leota had prepared themselves to take a final look at their loved one during Mrs Galant's funeral this week in Cape Town.

Michael Galant told of his shock after a Cape Town funeral home put a different woman inside a coffin he was expecting to contain his wife (file coffin picture)
Mr Galant said: "I opened my wife's casket and she didn't look right. I immediately knew something was wrong."
"My daughter came to me and said: "That's not mummy", and then I knew this was a big mistake."
It was reported that the mix-up happened this week as Mr Galant prepared for the funeral of his wife, who died on Saturday of a heart attack. The couple's traumatised daughter said that the family questioned the undertakers about the body swap and claimed staff initially tried to convince them they had delivered the right body.
She said the company later admitted to pulling out the wrong drawer at the morgue. The family tried to stop the funeral service but organisers convinced them to go ahead as planned. They were later escorted to the unnamed funeral home and shown the right body. The company had since apologised and promised to help them arrange a second send off.
Naij

Wasteful Spree: Over 200 hangers-on accompanied Jonathan to AU summit

* To spend N10.5 million per night in hotel

* N4million daily allowances to hangers-on
jonathanNigeria spent more than a hundred million naira transporting, feeding and maintaining an extraordinary large contingent of officials and political hangers-on, who travelled with President Goodluck Jonathan to the just-concluded African Union summit in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, PREMIUM TIMES has learned.
Officials, who made the trip, from the presidency to ministries and agencies, averaged 200, making the Nigerian delegation the largest at the conference, top officials, who were also part of the trip, said. They pleaded anonymity for fear of being punished by the administration.
That implies the government spent between N93.1 million and N165.8 million to cover their transportation, accommodation and the notorious duty tour allowance, DTA, codenamed estacode in government circles, our estimate shows.
“The Nigerian delegation was the largest country delegation and some of us felt really concerned,” he said. “A lot of people who have no reason being there went with us. They were on a jamboree on taxpayers’ expense.”
Such outsized teams, a regular feature of Nigerian government travels, critics say, suggest that despite criticisms, Nigerian authorities are nowhere willing to scale down on wasteful spending.
The AU meeting, which held between January 21 and 28, discussed mainly the conflict in Mali, where a French-led military campaign is rooting out Islamist rebels from Mali’s north, and the tension between Sudan and South Sudan.
Top level negotiations at the highest level of governments saw Nigeria pledging $5 million for the operations and undertaking the refurbishment and reconstruction of a number of military clinics in Mali to the tune of US$ 5.5 million, according to presidential spokesperson, Reuben Abati.
Even with such weighty matters discussed, diplomats say Nigeria didn’t need the kind of unwieldy team it took to the summit. On the presidential delegation were “sundry domestic servants and cronies of the First Lady such as Bola Shagaya,” our sources, revealed.
Ms. Shagaya is an Ilorin-based socialite, and a trusted associate of the first lady well-known for being in the company of past first ladies in Nigeria. She is often on the entourage of first ladies for domestic and international events.
Each of the delegates lodged at the Sheraton Hotel in Addis Ababa, the first African hotel to join the prestigious Luxury collection. The hotel’s second cheapest room, the executive room, goes for N52, 662 a night while the cheapest, the club room, goes for N43, 230.
It was not clear which option the Nigerian delegates chose, or whether they maintained separate rooms apiece. If that happened, for say, the second cheapest room, the arrangement would cost a party of 200 N10.5 million a night and at least N42.1 million would have been spent for a minimum of four days.
Although the event commenced January 21, Mr. Jonathan arrived in Addis Ababa on January 26.
The president had earlier attended the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, cutting short his trip and returning to Abuja for “pressing state functions” on January 24, Mr. Abati said in a post on his Twitter handle.
It is also not clear how many in the delegation were part of the advance party who traveled ahead of the president to Addis Ababa. But the advance party clearly incurred additional costs for the nation.
Mr. Abati could not be reached for comments. Calls to his telephones were unanswered Wednesday and Thursday.
The longest the delegation could have stayed in Addis Ababa for the event is nine days. The president retuned to Abuja on Tuesday, January 29.
For transportation, each of the delegates would have paid N174.7 thousand for an Ethiopian Airline return economy ticket to Addis Ababa. For 200, that amounts to N34.9 million.
In addition, delegates also receive estacode, a longstanding controversial allowance meant for government functionaries on official trips, but often abused by government functionaries.
As of November 2008, Duty Tour Allowance stood at N35,000 daily for ministers, secretary to the government of the federation and head of service, N20,000 for permanent secretaries, N16,000 for public servants on grade levels 15-17 and N12,000 for those between grade levels 7 and 14. Those below level 6 and below received N5000 daily.
With DTA at a conservative average of N20, 000, at least N4 million could have been paid to delegation members daily.
By our conservative estimate, for four days average, the total cost of the trip, including estimated expenses, would be N93.1 million and N165.8 million for nine days.
Nigerian officials have a history of abusing the payment of the DTA. In 2009, the Director General of the Institute for Peace and Conflict Resolution, Joseph Golwa, faced allegations for such abuse prompting calls for investigation.
Mr. Golwa paid out about N1million as duty tour allowance to 15 senior staff of the organization who, in May 2009, attended his daughter’s wedding in Jos, the Plateau State capital. The allowances were paid even when the apparently private event was held on a Saturday.
OsunDefender

Wale Odunsi: Memo To The President


Dear President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan,
Firstly, a very warm welcome from your week long trip to Switzerland and Ethiopia. How did your parley with the group of ‘Eminent Persons’ go? I hope the same you had with the leaders of Netherlands, Norway and Costa Rica; as well bosses of Huawei, Total and Coca-Cola will yield some interesting results.
My name is Wale Odunsi, male and a Nigerian. I am not a member of a political party, neither am I affiliated with any civil society group. I am one of the hundreds of thousands (elsewise millions) jobless youths that have emerged under your administration. I say this for I was in my final year in the university when the Legislature installed you as acting President, via the now famous “doctrine of necessity”.
The title of this commentary might strike you as the rant of another disgruntled citizen looking for attention; I appreciate such exasperation. I personally sometimes get peeved at the reverberation of the cobbler’s plank or the yell of “pure water” by the poor out-of-school child peddling in traffic. But then, I expect that a scan of the subsequent paragraphs will wipe out that thought.
As you know, the previous year is by far a period which many, especially those who suffered its tragic times, would want to erase from their minds, albeit impracticable. It was a phase we recorded both natural and (particularly) human disasters. These adversities not only claimed the lives of our fellow compatriots but also devastated goods, property, farmland, crops and stocks worth billions of our legal tender.
We were further thumped by the horrid Kano co-ordinated attacks and other myriad Boko Haram killings, Dana plane crash, the distraction effected by your wife’s long sojourn to Germany, the needless concept of N5000 note by our apex bank, road mishaps attributable to bad roads, corruption – both in civil and public service – to mention but a few.
I am young national who believes that a sleeping giant that our nation has grown into will one day return to its lost glory. But for this to be achieved, you and your team will have to do more to convince me, the opposition, the citizenry and in general the entire globe, that you are indeed capable of effectively discharging the duties expected of a democratically elected head of a federal state.
To a large degree, I am yet to greatly feel your presence in Aso Rock. Save for the slightly improved power generation which may plummet except more exertion is infused, the economy is not different from the shape which you met it.
As I jot this dispatch, it crossed my mind that one of our Bretton Woods friends recently proclaimed that our condition of penury has dropped two per cent. I cannot argue with them since my university gradation is beneath the esteemed first class, however, I opine that if that deduction was reached without the consideration of the indigent living in the slums of Taraba or Abia or Bayelsa or Oyo, it is unreservedly fallacious.
On Sunday January 1, 2012, you forced down our spines a most bizarre New Year gift. You dexterously presided over an economic team that believes that an increase in the pump price of petrol by over 100 per cent was the only available policy to achieving a better fiscal growth. You preferred bundling up the masses to the knacker’s yard to substantially cutting down the cost of your over bloated government.
My grouse and the reason I am writing this letter, is to call your attention to the special intervention bureau set up to manage savings from subsidy withdrawal: Subsidy Reinvestment and Empowerment Programme, SURE-P. The initiative which gradually is looking like a failed project will go down as one of the greatest scam in history by a government against its own people, unless it is wholly implemented. Already, the Legislature is calling for its scrap (The PUNCH – Nov 29 2012).
I and colleagues had completed the mandatory National Youth Service few weeks before SURE-P was announced. The wish was that better days were nigh, we envisaged a grander prospect; we built our optimism on the cusp that the system, if not much, had little to offer. All we yearn for is a platform to harness our entrepreneurial skills; an avenue to play a part in the development of our motherland and not necessarily a white-collar job. Lest I forget, thank a lot for the increase in corps members’ monthly allowance. Still, majority of us at that time held that it was a well-thought out strategy solicit our votes.
In the heat of the opposition to the subsidy uproar, I remember watching the Finance Minister Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, along with her Information counterpart, Labaran Maku (who himself stood against similar policy in his school days) on television stations as they flung a booklet containing what SURE-P has in stock; as they went about defending its content – from the weekly Federal Executive Council briefings to town hall meetings and seminars in Lagos and the nation’s capital.
I recall every bit of loudmouthed Sanusi Lamido Sanusi’s argument as he spoke in favour of the plan. I cannot forget Emeka Wogu’s unconvincing speech as he listed goodies the regime would roll out, once the striking action by a jittery NLC/TUC coalition was suspended; I recollect Deziani Allison-Madueke’s assertion that the country will go bankrupt if oil subvention continued. As she spoke, she struck me as someone who pays more attention to her physical appearance than her office or the government she was within.
Alas, in excess of 380 days after organized Labour – fronting threats of treason indictment – called off protest, all I see are insufficient ‘subsidy buses’ plying roads in few states and Abuja; I see endless queues at service stations; I see terrible rural electrical energy; I see waning educational facilities; I see thousands of hectares of land in the tight fist of the government and not farmers; I see people losing faith in themselves and whatever around.
Addressing a joint sitting of the National Assembly, Chairman of the SURE-P Committee, Dr. Christopher Kolade, disclosed his team had received a whopping N135bn (about $880m) as at October 2012. According him, N62bn ($400m) was paid to contractors and beneficiaries of the scheme, while certificates worth N7.5bn ($48m) for contractors on the Abuja-Lokoja and East-West roads are being processed for payment.
Sir, do you honestly think that those of us out here are pleased with how these monies are being used? Do you call for detailed progress report on the scheme? Have you even taken time to critically evaluate your performance in office?
You hold a Ph.D. degree in Zoology and not Statistics but let us do a simple arithmetic of what the people stand to gain if SURE-P pledge on a “massive job creation” was fulfilled. We were told that 10, 000 unemployed persons from each of the 36 federating states and the Federal Capital Territory would be engaged; this add up to a total of 370, 000. We were also informed that an additional 100, 000 under the second component of the programme, labeled Graduate Internship Scheme (GIS), would be employed; this plus our initial sum gives 470, 000. Now assume the persons that make up our new figure are generous enough to accept the responsibility to support two or three other persons, the upshot is food on the table for between 1, 410, 000 and 1, 880, 000 Nigerians. What a significant feat this would be for you.
When I go out these days and come across some guys clad in SURE-P T-shirts, they are either chasing street hawkers or road side traders. So I ask myself: is this what we get after billions of Naira in fuel subsidy cut? A job where a youth is expected to run after pitiable peddlers?
The electorates did not beg for this. They covet quality governance, one that is beset with downright honesty. Enough of the billboard and “PR” style of service rendering. What the common man wants is to see his water pipes running; he wants to ride his bicycle on a tarred road and not on a clay surface; he is old and weak to fetch firewood to make hot water for his pap and as such he favors electric kettle; he wants to know the economy is buoyant so his children can have abundant from which they can send money for his upkeep.
Sir, for the sake of posterity, (re)ignite the dimming fire of your Transformation Agenda. I urge you not to let the opportunity of writing your name in gold pass away. We want to remember you as a man who matched his words with actions and not a man who talked because the moment called for it. We want to remember you as a sensitive leader, not one who tactically backed the construction of a N4 billion ($26m) “mission house” for his wife.
I hope that you will promptly act on the issues raised. Perhaps, I and some others in my shoes can finally have a job.
With Regards,

‘Wale Odunsi
DailyPost

Genevieve Nnaji’s scenes removed from adaptation of Chimamanda Adiche’s Half of a Yellow Sun

By  

Nollywood’s pride, Genevieve Nnaji may have had the privilege of working with a crop of Hollywood’s A-list actors on the set of Chimamanda Adiche’s Half of A Yellow Sun yet-to-be-released film directed by Niyi Bandele but not the pleasure of seeing her role when it comes to cinemas. Genevieve’s scenes weren’t expressly important to the story, a reliable source that has seen the movie told E24-7MAGAZINE. “I figured that because of Ms Nnaji’s way of acting, her character dragged the storyline, so it was cut out during editing. Obviously, if she was good enough like Onyeka Onwenu, she would have been given a major role in the film.
“Her minor role was compensation to Nollywood. So, the film producers might be apologetic for cutting out her parts, as she should not try to go to the cinemas to see the film with her family members, else she will give herself heartache.”
It was a very intense exercise for the post-production team; in fact, they ended up cutting out some characters from the book to beat time in order to stay focus and professional. Test audiences, we gathered did not like those scenes.
According to the source, the director realized some footage may not be needed and unfortunately many of those scenes involved the Tango with Me star actress, such that if she appears on screen at all, it will be in a significantly reduced capacity from what her role was in the script.
Yes, you may get to see her in a party scene. This development, no doubt will be shocking to her fans and observers of the industry because of her status and influence but it is a usual occurrence in other climes to cut actors out of finished films.
DailyPost

Sir Victor Olaiya features 2face in remix of classic song, Baby Jowo



The legendary high life musician featured 2face Idibia in the remix of his classic song, Baby Jowo. They shot the video for the song yesterday (photo above) in a hotel in Surulere. The song will be released soon...and I hear it's dope!
TalkOfNaija