Inspite of the touch of civilization in the lives of many villagers, tradition and customs still remain intact.
While some remain passionate about it, some show a lot of disregard
to it just as others especially the human rights activists consider some
aspects of it as infringement on the rights of individuals. But what
is the gain of any tradition or custom which is inimical to the life of
individual?
* Expectation is high among a wide section of Nigerians especially
women and children that the Senate will come up with a comprehensive new
National Health Bill, NHB, that would realistically address basic
primary health challenges in the country.
For families who lost their loved ones, life could be miserable. They
are exposed to a world of pain, anguish, frustration and untold
hardship everyday of their lives.
The trauma they suffer as a result of the death of any of their parents is such that linger forever in their lives.
They also suffer neglects, groan and mourn all the days of their lives while nobody dares to listen to their plights.
They are denied their fundamental human rights, hence leaving them in
the face of continuous frustration and misery all through their lives.
In one area of Edo State, Eunice, a 36-year lady who narrated a similar experience told
Saturday Vanguard, her mother suffered torture in the hands of her late husband’s relations.
Her words: “When my father died, my mother was treated as an outcast.
Her husband’s relation said, she knew something about her husband’s
death, they called her a witch and for this reason they humiliated and
tortured her for three months. “She was not allowed to have her bath nor
wash her hands after eating. She wasn’t allowed to change her clothes
or underwear either. It was a terrible situation, in fact, my mother
regretted that she was married to my father.
“One of her late husband’s brother told her to sit and sleep on the bare floor during her period of confinement.
There was a particular story a friend of mine told me what a widow
who was asked to go into the thick forest at night and recite some
incantations for the purpose of “cleansing”, he continued.
“Some widows are also made to drink the water used to bathe the corpses of their deceased husbands
; they
are shaved and kept in seclusion for months while consultations are on
as to the real cause of death of the man. “The widow is not expected to
receive condolence visits from sympathisers during the period of
mourning, she is to be re-married by a relative of the late husband, she
is to sit on the floor or be unclad during any period of the husband’s
burial rite, weep and wail loudly at intervals, she must remain in
confinement after the death of the husband for the given period dictated
by tradition. In most cases, she must vacate the matrimonial home for
the relatives of the man”, she added.
A friend of mine who also narrated her experience explained that,
“The ugly situation of my life began when my husband died. He was an
Igbo by tribe. His family members took away all his assets, without a
slightest imagination of what I could be passing through with my four
children.
“My children are still young and therefore they cannot fight for
their late father’s properties. I was subjected to countless hardship. I
was kept in the dark rooms for days with little or nothing to eat. I
was made to sleep in the same room with my dead husband and the water
used in bathing the dead man was given to me to drink.
“Any attempt to contest was met with stiff resistance. I believe my
story is just one case out of the numerous cases of what widows go
through after they had lost their loved ones”, she said.
In some societies, tradition prescribes harsh injunctions for widows,
they are denied the use of ornaments, perfumes, flowers, fine clothing,
no making of hair, in most cases, widows are shaved as a mark of
respect for their departed husbands and they are denied all other
beautiful things women cherish.
In fact, the phenomenon can simply be described as that of loss,
deprivation, helplessness and hopelessness. The death of a loved one
brings trauma, grief and a total restructuring of one’s life.
Speaking on why woman pass through this trouble, Human Right
Activist, Josephine Okei-Odumakin, said. “Well, it is most unfortunate
that at this stage and age women are still being humiliated by in-laws
and relations of their late husbands based on the culture and religious
beliefs and practices. This is an ugly situation and the outcome of our
traditional and native beliefs before the advent of Christianity but
sadly these practices still exist in some quarters.
“When a woman loses her husband, a civilized society should rally round to support her and her children.
Causing her more pain than she’s already going through at the death of the breadwinner is just plain evil.”
In certain parts of Nigeria, the maltreatment of women who lost their
husbands is common. In-laws , the deceased relations and the community
subject them to physical and emotional abuses such as being made to sit
on the floor; being confined from a month to one year; having their hair
literally scraped off with razors or broken bottles; not being allowed
to bathe; being made to routinely weep in public; being forced to drink
the water used to wash their husband’s corpse; crowned by the loss of
inheritance rights and eviction.
I feel strongly that this humiliation must stop, it is now time that
drastic measures are taken to stop this barbaric act so as to ensure
its eradication.
For, Professor Joy Ngozi Ezeilo, United Nations Special Rapporteur on
trafficking in persons, especially women and children. Her reaction:
Ordinarily my organization handle hundreds of cases every year that we
give free legal aid in this area, especially on denial of inheritance
and property rights to widows and their girl-children by in -laws and
extended family members. WACOL mediates and represent victims in Court,
including following up the matter with the Police.
On general violence against women by in-laws, including wife
battering we provide various services such as shelter, counselling,
medical support and pursuing legal action against the in laws as a last
resort if we fail to get them to sign an undertaken not to repeat the
abuse, cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment. The situation of
interference by in laws is rampant where the woman is widowed, childless
or has only female children and they want their son to take a second
wife or sack the wife and/or also deny her right to the estate of the
deceased husband. . I have handled personally as a lawyer a lot of those
cases and usually our interventions are big relief for affected women
and brings succor to them.
We need to create awareness that will promote respect for women’s
rights, especially right to private and family life. There is so much
interference by extended family members causing marriages to breakdown
irretrievably. Intermeddling in nuclear family affair is still highly
prevalent because of our cultural and traditional values. Women’s Aid
Collective (WACOL) has produced relevant legal literacy handbooks for
example: Next of Kin Palaver; Rights and Wrongs of Widowhood; Will
Making to enlighten the general public. I believe as the society
develops the incidents will be reduced but for now there is so much
hunger in the land and people want to grab and reap where they didn’t
sow.
In Delta State
In Idjerhe of Ethiope West local government area of Delta, a young lady,
Ejiro who
narrated the ordeal she passed through recently said the sudden death
of her father exposed her to different kinds of sufferings in the name
of tradition before and after the burial of her late father.
In my place; the death of a parent is not seen a natural phenominon;
it is blamed on something he or she must have done in his or her earthly
life. It is said that the ancestors’ strike at any wrong done by a son
or daughter of the soil, hence the family would consult their oracle to
know what had happened. In most cases, whatever he lived for in his life
time would be overruled by his immediate family if he didn’t prepare a
will before his demise.; his wish would be disregarded as though he
never lived. They say tradition is tradition.
The children of the deceased are fined for errors committed by their
parents; perhaps in the aspects of community development levies he or
she didn’t pay and for not visiting the village as they should have done
and much more. In fact, the children are beaten up as though they
killed their parents in the first place. When I lost my father; my elder
brother was asked to travel home to inform his family about his demise,
the first thing the family members did was to practically beat him up
and fined him for coming alone; he ought to have visited with an elderly
person he learnt later. He was advised to visit again with his
siblings and their mother.
“So my siblings, my mum and I traveled to the village and the next
question we heard from his family members was that they wanted the deeds
to my late father’s properties; they wanted his cheque book and any
other vital thing he possessed. We traveled the next time without all
they wanted and we were beaten up; we had to defend ourselves! After the
fight; we were asked to pay another huge fine or walk away and perhaps
risk waking up with snakes they threatened.”
“At last, we got the family everything they asked for; they claim
they are doing this because my late dad has three gates- meaning he has
three women who had children for him. The properties were disposed of. A
land was bought in the village town and a house built for the final
resting place of the departed. I found out eventually that virtually
every Urhobo man or woman belongs to one social club or the other. The
aims and objectives of such clubs are mainly to assist its members
during burials, but my own dad didn’t join any club because he was a
member of a church.” “The clubs have extended their tentacles to the
churches, but dad didn’t see the reason of mixing worshiping God and
social club, he had just his service to God as his club he usually told
us.
During burials, the groups from the churches are placed side by side
with the groups from the church and it went in dad’s burial. We were
asked the kind of burial we wanted to do; the first son was compulsory
asked to get a casket for the deceased as the culture demands, the first
daughter played her part by fanning the dead lying in state. The in
laws paid for the grave digging. After the burial, my late dad’s
properties were divided by the family.”
Mary, 28 also narrated her ordeal in the hands of those who believe
every bit of the custom and tradition must apply to every situation
after burying her late mum in Edo state. “In Aginiboni, a married woman
who dies would remain in her husband’s place. Her corpse cannot be
returned to her father’s house especially if her bride price was paid,
hence her remains would be buried in her husband’s place. But if the
husband wasn’t always going home; a land would be bought and built
before the burial can commence.”
“Tradition mandates her to leave every personal property to her first
son; no matter where he is and what contribution he had contributed to
the success of the burial.”
In Igboland
Johnson Okorie from a community in Owerri, of Imo state has this to
say. ‘I lost my father when l was in my twenty’s and my late dad’s
immediate family didn’t have to seize anything from my mother because we
had guys in the house although l was the last child; the case would be
different if my mum didn’t have any child or if we were very young. My
mum didn’t step out of the house until my father was lowered into mother
Earth; which was three months later. Her hair was clean shaved by the
women who visited and took turns in sleeping with her; the significance
of the shaven hair shows the beginning of another episode in her life
after the burial of the late husband.
Like they say different strokes for different people, burial rites
are different from one community to another in the Eastern part of the
country, they are often similar but with little variations.
When an Igbo man or woman with children dies, before any burial
arrangement is made, his children or close relatives will have to visit
several essential extended families to officially announce the death of
their son or daughter, these visits to the maternal and paternal homes
of the deceased requires a goat, a certain amount of money, and drinks.
Apart from the normal funeral ceremony celebrations, it is expected
that when a man loses any of his parents, maybe his mother or father, he
is expected to perform a burial rite called “omere oha”, which means
celebrating for all.
This burial rite involves buying live a male dog, a ram, he-goat, and
cock, each of the animals is beheaded by a male child of the deceased
or any close family relative who must be a male.
Unlike in a general funeral ceremony, this particular funeral rite
allows for a few number of persons, which include immediate and extended
family members of the deceased as well as kinsmen. Preparation of
traditional foods, Palm wine, dry gin, Kola nuts, and local music are
made available by the host family.
Some parts of the beheaded dog, he-goat, ram and cock are properly
cleaned up and prepared into local delicacies while the other parts are
shared among each family represented. This ceremony is a must for every
legitimate son and daughter who partook in the celebration of others.
The only exemptions are those who have refused to partake in the
celebration of others.
It is alleged that children who refuse to perform this rite for their
late parents who partook in others, cannot eat at any funeral ceremony.
By Ebun Sessou & Florence Amagiya
InformationNigeria
