Pius Adesanmi
Dear President Barack Obama: Greetings. On behalf of the good citizens
of the District of Columbia, who, in their infinite wisdom, entrusted me
with the Office of the Mayor, I am writing to draw your attention to an
issue of urgent municipal importance. Although my aides here in the
Mayor’s Office are yet to crosscheck things with Mr. Jay Carney, your
Press Secretary, after he issued a curious statement today, I have
decided to be proactive by reacting to that extremely disturbing
statement.
Mr. President, it would seem that you have convened a prestigious
summit between your esteemed self and four Heads of State from the
continent of Africa. They have been invited to parley with you in the
White House in order to explore avenues of strengthening democracy in
Africa. According to the statement released by Mr. Carney, “President
Obama looks forward to welcoming President Ernest Bai Koroma of Sierra
Leone, President Macky Sall of Senegal, President Joyce Banda of Malawi,
and Prime Minister José Maria Pereira Neves of Cape Verde to the White
House on Thursday, March 28.” The statement concludes that, “the visit
of these four leaders underscores the strategic importance the President
places on building partnerships and substantive engagement with
sub-Saharan Africa, and our commitment to working with strong and
emerging African democracies.”
Mr. President, this is obviously an unmistakable snub of the Nigerian
President, Dr Goodluck Jonathan, who leads a country that prides
herself as the giant of Africa. While we understand the fact that your
administration needs to send a clear message of zero tolerance for
corruption to the Nigerian President, who has acquired a reputation for
running Africa’s most corruption-friendly government, we at the
Washington City Hall would like to register our disagreement with your
decision to exclude the Nigerians from next week’s parley in the
strongest possible terms.
Mr. President, we believe that you have not been properly served by
your advisers in this matter. We believe that the economic implications
of excluding the Nigerians from this parley should have been
painstakingly explained to you to help you reach an informed judgment.
We believe that the economic wellbeing of a major American city should
be more important to your administration than helping the people of one
far-flung country in Africa deal with their corruption enabler of a
president. At a time when most American city administrations are
groaning under budget cuts, at a time when the ability of American
cities to deliver basic services to residents is being streamlined to
reflect the dire economic circumstances of the times, any opportunity
for a massive injection of funds into any American city’s economy ought
to be seized with both hands. Your administration is about to deny
Washington DC one such fantastic opportunity through the hasty and
wrong-headed exclusion of the Nigerian president from the forthcoming
parley.
Mr. President, we believe that you are aware of the fact that the
President of Nigeria does not travel light to foreign destinations.
During meetings of the US Conference of Mayors, my brother Mayor
Bloomberg of New York never fails to regale us with stories of the
economic boom that New York City receives whenever the Nigerian
president comes to town for UN functions. He and his wife are said to
travel with a harem of presidential jets – some travel as advance
delegations. The plane loads of raw cash and aides create an economic
ripple effect. They stay in the best hotels, charter limousines, and
spend days in shopping malls since they hardly ever attend the functions
they came for.
Mr. President, you are perhaps aware of the fact that the 127th
Assembly of the Inter-Parliamentary Union was hosted by our sister city,
Québec City, Canada, from October 21-26, 2012. The word on the street
is that the South Africans who arrived in Québec City thinking they had a
huge delegation were humbled by the benumbing size of the Nigerian
delegation. Almost five months after the event, I can tell you
authoritatively, Mr. President, that Québec City, Canada, is still
reaping the benefits of the economic boom created by the one-week
presence of Nigerian parliamentarians in that city. Need one mention
what the city of Dubai in the Middle East benefits from weekly injection
of funds by Nigerian officials?
Mr. President, we urge you to seriously reconsider your decision to
snub Dr. Goodluck Jonathan. It would be a great idea of you could even
invite him ahead of the others so that he and his potentially large
delegation could get to spend an extra week here in Washington. If he
comes here with two or three jumbo jets, as is his wont, this translates
to enormous parking fees for Washington Dulles Airport. He, his wife,
and their aides are going to take over major hotels in the city and that
would be a tremendous boost for our hospitality services. Our limo
rental services are going to benefit immensely from the presence of a
Nigerian delegation.
In addition, while Dr and Mrs. Jonathan spend time with you at the
White House, two or three planeloads of aides are going to spend all
that time in our shopping malls. Furthermore, virtually every member of
the large delegation would take the opportunity to do a quick medical
checkup. Since they have no medical insurance here, they would naturally
be paying cash. Imagine, Mr. President, the possible cash inflow to our
medical system in these austere times. We understand that Nigerian
officials are fond of German hospitals. This could be an opportunity to
showcase the superiority of American medical services to these
petro-wealthy Africans.
Mr. President, I could go on and on with details of the economic
benefits of having the Nigerians here. Please allow me to say, Mr.
President, that for the sake of the economy of Washington, DC, the
Nigerian president deserves to be pardoned for pardoning corruption. He
is of more economic value to us here than the four African presidents
you are hosting combined. I therefore look forward to being able to host
him and his lovely wife here at City Hall after their White House
event.
Yours sincerely,
John-Smith Budweiser
Mayor of the District of Columbia
Saharareporters