Secrets Real Men Hide From Their Women

The secrets men keep are shocking but what’s more surprising are the reasons they keep them. The bad news: men lie and keep secrets from the women they love. The good news: They’re not doing it to hurt you, in fact more often than not, they’re doing it because they’re either insecure or trying to protect you, according to YourTango Expert Abby Rodman, author of Should You Marry Him? Secrets Real Men Hide From Their WomenIn Kelly Hunter’s romantic thriller What the Bride Didn’t Know, Lena and Adrian have known each other since childhood. Although the attraction between the two is palpable, Adrian knows Lena is off limits, after all she’s the little sister of his best friend Jared. Now, all three work together as officers in the special ops and Lena and Adrian are sent on a top-secret mission to Istanbul where they must pretend to be married. An unexpected twist compels Adrian to keep a secret from Lena so big, that coming clean could destroy both their worlds. YourTango previously asked real women about the secrets they keep from their men. Now, we’ve asked real men, “What do you hide from the women you love?” Check out some of their shocking responses. Then, read on for some expert thoughts on the differences between the secrets men and women keep from their partners. I made significantly less money than my last two girlfriends and have thousands of dollars in credit card debt. -Mark, 28 This one’s not exactly a secret, but I’m balding! -Jared, 31 I used to be way more in shape than I am now. -Rey, 25 My penis is a little crooked, but it works! -Anonymous, 26 I used to date a model. I’m not ashamed, but I know it would make my girlfriend self-conscious when she shouldn’t be. -Alain, 34 All my serious relationships have been with women, but I’m bi. -Samuel, 38 I hate my job and want to go back to school, but I don’t know what I want to do. -Joe, 36 Erectile dysfunction is a side effect of one of the medications I’m taking. -Danny, 30 Now that some real guys have come clean, it’s time to consider what secrets your guy might have. We asked YourTango Expert and psychotherapist Abby Rodman how men approach secrets differently. Below are 4 interesting insights. 1) Men are more likely to feel insecure about their finances and careers. In 2013, most women work, and most families are dual-income. But men are still more likely than women to express anxieties over their careers and finances. “Men are raised, in large part, to be providers,” says YourTango Expert Abby Rodman, author of Should You Marry Him? “When they feel they’re not providing, or their provisions aren’t up to snuff, insecurities seep in.” These insecurities aren’t just about their own self-worth, but also their worth as boyfriends, husbands, or fathers. Men are also more likely to define themselves solely by their work, which can be especially painful in a troubled economy 2) Women aren’t the only ones insecure about their bodies. Our culture’s obsession with perfect looks — often at the cost of starvation, plastic surgery, and grueling workouts — doesn’t just hurt women. A number of men expressed insecurities about the way they look, from their weight to their hairlines and even the size and shape of their manliest parts. Consider this a reason to tell your man how attractive he is. He just might need a reminder. 3) Men sometimes keep secrets to protect their partners. We tend to associate secret-keeping with self-protection — hiding the truth from partners to avoid getting in trouble for bad behavior. But some men keep secrets to spare their partner’s feelings. One man we spoke to, Alain, knows his girlfriend will feel insecure about her appearance, if she finds out he previously dated a model. Alain’s heart sounds like it’s in the right place, but his girlfriend will probably find out somehow and then what? “Because he can’t change his dating history, his task in this relationship is to make his current partner feel as secure as possible,” says Rodman. “When your past relationships affect your current one, you have two choices: You can either work through your partner’s insecurities with honesty and openness, or you can move on to another partner who accepts your past choices. You cannot and should not stay with someone who can’t seamlessly weave those choices into the whole of who you are or who punishes you for making them.” 4) Caring doesn’t always mean sharing. When men don’t reveal all to their partners, it’s not always about a lack of trust or love. It’s a matter of gender norms. Modern men are more in touch with their feelings, but many still struggle to be vulnerable. But it’s a worthy struggle. Sharing secrets, as similar or as different as they may be, helps partners grow closer. The good news: Women are especially equipped for the task. “Because women communicate their innermost thoughts and feelings on a near-daily basis with friends and loved ones, when someone reveals a skeleton or secret, they’re already in the mode of listening and acceptance,” says Rodman. The easiest way to get your partner to open up might be to open up first.

Naija Center News

How Lugard Conducted Amalgamation Ceremony – Centenarian

By: Abu Nmodu

inShare

As the controversy over whether the amalgamation of Northern and Southern protectorates took place in Zungeru in Niger State or Lokoja in Kogi State continues, a centenarian, Alhaji Gomna Salihu, who claimed to have witnessed the event, has given an insight into how it was conducted by the British colonialists in Zungeru in 1914.

In an interview with LEADERSHIP Weekend in Zungeru, Salihu whose speech has been impaired by old age, recalled that the ceremony was heralded by a parade by the colonial army.

Salihu, who was assisted by two of his sons - Yusuf Salihu and Mohammed Salihu – during the interview, asserted that Zungeru was occupied during the era by mostly railway workers and those serving the colonial masters while he was a distributor of coal to the colonial masters and some royalty who depended on coal for energy.

 He stated that, after the amalgamation, it dawned on them that Zungeru represented a bigger Nigeria than they thought because of the different tribes which moved to the area.

 Pa Salihu also recalled areas used by the colonial masters and Lord Lugard as administrative office, quarters and mess before moving to Kaduna, adding that, “We all came out with mostly railway workers to watch the parade marking the amalgamation.”

 According to him, the first train that came to Zungeru stopped at a nearby village called Gwarijiko where some of the materials used by the colonial masters were discharged.

 The centenarian stated that, apart from administrative activities, Zungeru was a hub of economic activities because of the presence of the colonial administrators “whom we used to go to their houses to admire their ways of life.”

 While being categorical that the amalgamation took place in Zungeru, the centenarian admitted that he could not give more details of the ceremony due to his failing memory.

 Yusuf and Mohammed, who now take care of him, agreed with the narration of their father whom they said had been telling them about the ceremony of the amalgamation.

 Mohammed stated that he used to tell them about the first bridge in Kango-Jebba built by the colonial masters primarily to serve people coming from the southern part after the amalgamation.

 LEADERSHIP Weekend further gathered from the family that Alhaji Salihu had four wives, but only one, Hajiya Zainab popularly called Abbu, was still alive.

The chairman of Zungeru Community Development Association, Mr Salmanu Yusuf, reiterated that Zungeru remained the town that the amalgamation took place and wished that the historical relics in the community were upgraded by building a city in the town to mark Nigeria’s centenary.

Leadership

OSHIOMOLE: Why I attacked Jonathan’s confab

Edo State Governor Adams Oshiomhole has insisted that he acted within his rights to express his views on the proposed national conference when he hosted the committee members in Benin.
He also said that he was scheduled, contrary to some critics, to speak at the town hall meeting organised for the committee to interact with stakeholders of the state and other representatives from adjoining south-south states.
He was heckled, when he spoke, by Col. Tony Nyam (Rtd.), whose shouts of “no, no,’ interrupted proceedings.
The committee has since apologised to the governor for Nyam’s remarks.
The committee is moving across the country to collate views.
Col. Nyam was absent at its meeting in Lagos.
The governor had expressed his reservations about the mission of the committee, saying that Nigeria does not need a conference.
He also asserted that what was of significance was not a gathering to determine whether Nigeria wants to stay together but how to tackle poverty and other social and economic challenges facing the nation.
He responded to those who said the meeting he held with members of the committee as private, saying that “it was not a secret meeting,” adding that it was a meeting for the records.
“Once you speak and what you say is recorded, it cannot be private,” he said, adding that it was covered by the print and broadcast media.
He said he only reiterated what he had said earlier to the committee at the hall meeting.
The governor said he was scheduled to speak but listened to about three persons who spoke before he asked for the permission of the chairman to take the floor, which was granted.
He said the only speaker who irritated him was the one who questioned why Nigeria should be together.
“I don’t think we should discuss whether anyone wants to leave Nigeria,” he remarked.
He added that the remarks he made were not new and had been consistent with those views since his days in the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC).
“I feel strongly about them,” he said. “If we are not a nation, we should start building.”
He reflected on his years in the textile industry and how it systematically collapsed.
He said the workers have lost their jobs and issues of how to revive the industrial base of Nigeria and bring welfare to Nigerians should be the focus of Nigeria today.
Oshiomhole said the obsession with oil had drifted attention from the economic and industrial base of Nigeria to an attitude of sharing.
He also spoke on the controversy over the proposed sale of Edo House in Lagos.
He accused the opposition Peoples Democratic Party(PDP) members of mischief, explaining that the issue was brought up for discussion at a town hall meeting that comprised several stakeholders, including traditional rulers from all the local governments, social groups, market leaders, ethnic groups as well as social groups.
He said he explained why the government wanted to sell it.
“Speaker after speaker said the state had a history of selling government properties without consultation and they appreciated the fact that he was making it a matter for collective decision.”
He said that the hall had been rented out for the past five years and the tenant was not paying the rent but was using court action to stave off his responsibility.
He also said Lagos state government demanded that the state pay ground rent and other charges of over N60 million.
“Should we take tax payers’ money to Lagos and the rent is not enough to manage the property?”, adding that the state would “divest from Lagos and invest in Edo.”
He said the building was built when Lagos was capital, explaining further that the state has built one in Abuja, which makes the Lagos building superfluous.
THE NATION

Gunmen Kill Over 30 In Attack On Wedding Convoy Between Adamawa And Borno

Survivors and witnesses of an attack on a wedding convoy in Borno state, northern Nigeria have confirmed that gunmen killed over 30 people including the groom in an ambush.
The attack happened on 2 November on the notorious Bama-Banki road when the wedding party, including friends and relatives of the groom, was making its way back to the state capital Maiduguri after the ceremony in Michika, in nearby Adamawa State.
The driver, who did not wish to be named, said many of the victims appeared to have suffered gunshot wounds.
“It was a gory scene and all the victims were brutally murdered by the attackers. My passengers and I were visibly shocked when we met the dead bodies lying by the highway,” he said.
Army and police officials in the area were not immediately available for comment.
But a security source who described the incident as “brutal and callous” said the bodies had been transferred to a hospital in Maiduguri.
Violent attacks are not uncommon in northeastern Nigeria, where the army has launched an offensive to end an insurgency by Boko Haram Islamists.

 

Saharareporters

PHOTONEWS: Festival Of Waste As First Lady Patience Mother Gets "State Burial" In Okrika

A sum of N7 billion (naira) of Nigeria's  tax payers funds was wasted on the burial of the foster mother of Nigeria's first lady, Patience Jonathan in her hometown of Okrika in Rivers State over the weekend.
 the events which kicked off on Thursday saw the attendance of the President , Vice President, several state governors and ministers. Saharareporters sources said funds for the burial were taken from several ministries including the FCT, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, the ministry of Education, Delta State, Bayelsa state  and the ministry of defence.
 Ironically, the first lady's mother died in a stretch of raod abandoned by the Jonathan's regime in the Niger Delta region.

 Saharareporters

Sheikh Khalid Yasin: A nice story with a good message

A while ago, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger…he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league. ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The. stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn’t seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home… Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn’t permit the use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.

He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked… And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents’ den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. Categorically, he destroyed all the moral values, ethics, love, time for each other and other good qualities we had in our family…..whilst adding some unnoticeable quantity of positive stuff also, which any way we would have had even without him……

His name?…. .. .

We just call him ‘TV.’

Minimising Cardiovascular Complications

The Heart

Mary Ekah writes on why cardiovascular diseases are quite rampant these days among the old and young members of the population in most developing countries
The human heart has been described as the most important organ of the body as it supplies blood to other parts to sustain their existence. Due to this important responsibility, the heart cannot stop working for a second and if it stops pumping blood to the rest of the organs, the result is instant death.

But, like the liver, kidney, lungs and others, human heart can also be diseased, according to experts.
A consultant cardiologist, Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), Dr. Akinsanya Olusegun-Joseph, in an interview with THISDAY, said issues relating to the heart and blood vessels are very important. He also mentioned healthy lifestyle, diet and beverages that can be beneficial to human heart.

Olusegun-Joseph described cardiology as basically the study of the heart and blood circulation and diseases ranging from cardiac to blood vessels, which he summed up as cardiovascular.  
“When we speak about the human heart, it links up with every other organ of the body as the one that supplies blood to other organs and it is very important to be aware that once the heart is diseased, definitely the person cannot function optimally,” he stated.

According to him other organs are also very important but one unique thing about the heart is that, once it stops beating, it means that the person is signing out of the planet earth.
“We need to be aware of cardiovascular health, which means our heart and blood vessels are optimally cared for, such that they can in turn work optimally, so that the quality of life can be quite high.”
Talking about some of the diseases and complications that can afflict the heart, Olusegun- Joseph described hypertension as the most important.

“It is a major illness when we talk about heart disease, it is a real factor for a number of heart ailments. In this part of the world, hypertension is a real cause of heart disease, it is a real cause of stroke, a real cause of heart failure in our own scenario, heart attack and kidney failure,” he said.
He shed further light: “It also affects the eye and can lead to blindness, because the vessels in the eye can have so much pressure that can make them develop some changes that can make them rupture causing, bleeding into the eyes.”

The expert noted that something is key, that is, when we talk about hypertension, apart from the fact that somebody could be genetically pre-disposed, there is also the fact that lifestyle of some people can also encourage development of hypertension which he noted developing countries are beginning to have in an increasing basis. He spoke about increasing salt intake, noting that the situation is not helped by the fact that fast food joints are springing up all over the place. Salt in his view, is the cause of factors that can affect the heart negatively.
He defined hypertension as sustained elevated blood pressure, saying, momentarily, a person could experience elevated blood pressure, it is a dynamic thing, when blood pressure goes up, it should not be sustained. “If a patient comes to the hospital today and we measure his\her blood pressure and it reads 140\90, or 150\90 or 150\100, if he comes back the following day or third day and it is still high, we are not going to be in a hurry to discard such a person because the person has sustained elevated blood pressure,” he noted.
According to him, the cut off is blood pressure equal to or more than 140\90. He attributed heart disease to poor physical exercise, obesity, smoking, personality type and diabetes.

While Olusegun-Joseph enumerated causes of heart disease for the adults, he also said children, young adults and adolescents have their fair share of the deadly ailment. According to him, Rheumatic Heart Disease (RHD) is the leading acquired heart problem among the young population in developing countries.
“It is a chronic condition, which causes young people to develop heart failure and many eventually die from the disease or require expensive heart surgery which is often unaffordable or unavailable. It is caused by Rheumatic fever (RF), which can be prevented and controlled. Its global burden falls disproportionately on children and young adults living in low income countries and is responsible for about 233, 000 annual deaths,” he added.

He attributed the cause to overcrowding, poor housing conditions, under-nutrition and lack of access to health care which all play a role in the persistence of the disease in developing countries. According to him, RHD makes pregnancy unsafe and kills or debilitate young people in their most reproductive years.
Ironically, Olusegun-Joseph expresses concern that most people still haven't taped the health benefits of beverages like coffee, which he said recent studies have confirmed its health benefits to the heart. For instance, he said a 2009 prospective study in Japan following nearly 77, 000 individuals aged between 40-79 found that coffee consumption was associated with a reduced risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, as moderate coffee consumption had been shown to reduce the risk of developing heart failure. Besides, scientific studies have found that regular coffee consumption lowers the risk of type-2 diabetes by up to 67 per cent. This, according to him, appears to result from reduced levels of blood glucose, increased insulin sensitivity and decreased storage of both fat and carbohydrate.

Coffee, he noted, has natural bio-active compound with beneficial properties such as: antioxidants, fiber, micronutrients and polyphenols (chlorogenic acid, flavonoids, melanoidins). The antioxidant effect of coffee is becoming increasingly known around the world. However, protective mechanism of coffee against a host of diseases may involve a lot more than anti-oxidation. Coffee also exerts direct biological actions on the body, which may be protective against various diseases.

Drinking coffee had been found to actively raise blood pressure briefly, right after consumption, linked to the effect of caffeine. However, scientific studies show that coffee's compounds lower blood pressure over the long term, decreasing the risk of cardiovascular disease, which is believed to be a result of beneficial action of chlorogenic acid on the arteries.

According to him, a meta-analysis of the available prospective studies from 1966 to 2011 show that moderate coffee consumption is associated with lower risk of stroke, noting that in the pooled analysis, habitual moderate coffee consumption was associated with decreased risk of stroke. He said coffee enhances both mental and physical performances and lowers the risk of colon cancer, hepatic diseases, alzheimer's disease, parkinson's disease and inflammation.

Olusegun-Joseph explained that coffee is a beverage which can be part of a healthy diet and a major source of dietary antioxidants which science proved that moderate coffee consumption can be beneficial to health, stressing that benefits of drinking coffee outweighs the perceived effects attributable to the caffeine content of the beverage.
He advises that individuals who are sensitive to the stimulating effects of caffeine have the option of drinking decaffeinated coffee to enjoy the good moments and health benefits of coffee.

“In the past, the health benefits of coffee had not been well understood, as it was often lumped with other stimulants like nicotine, hard drugs, but coffee lowers risk of liver cancer, liver cirrhosis, gall bladder disease, as recent articles point to the beverage as one of the good, healthy beverage choices” and advises that people should form the habit of constantly drinking coffee for the good of their health.

ThisDay