Aderonke Adebanjo: When a man loves a woman…

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…She knows! There’s no confusion or second guessing or any of that. Remember that quote I shared with y’all: “If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.” I think that applies to the chase primarily. If he wants to be with you, you won’t (or at least shouldn’t) have any doubts about his intentions cos he will be clear (most of the time). However, something seems to happen once the relationship is in full swing. It seems like the guy becomes clueless about how to fully love the woman. Guys don’t always “get” women. Women are complex beings (or so it seems). We get that. We accept it. We are not always easy to understand. But we are beautiful and amazing creatures as well We want to love AND be loved. So, I want to share with the guys some things you can do to show that special lady (that you chased, by the way) just how much you love her in a way that she understands and wants to be loved.

Listen In

Women TALK. We are wired that way. We talk to get things off our chest. We talk to get clarity. We talk to vent. We talk cos we just have to. And when I say talk, I mean talk. You know when you’re with your lady and she’s going on and on about a particular situation or something that happened and she’s giving you step-by-step narration of what happened without leaving out any detail. Phew! Lol. Well, that’s just women for you. Your babe isn’t the only one. She’s not weird. Women just talk. So guys, you gotta sit there and listen. Yup! You love her, you listen. AND please don’t feel obliged to solve the problem or offer any solutions unless she specifically asks for it. We usually don’t need you to solve the problem. We just need you to listen. And don’t tune out either. We can tell when your mind has left the room. You love this woman, don’t you? So you gotta be there – mind, body, and spirit!

Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

You’ve heard of PDA before. I know you have but how many guys actually demonstrate it? Please hold her hand, biko. Hold the door open for her. Pay for stuff! Let me tell you, women can pay for stuff these days. She really doesn’t need you to (and it’s not a girl power thing. It’s fact) but there is something so wonderful about the guy picking up the tab without hesitation and it’s a display of affection (This used to be the norm but alas, times have changed!). It’s the little gestures that go a LONG way with women. It might be a bit awkward or uncomfortable for you (especially if you didn’t grow up that way) but most women need love to be expressed publicly and outwardly. Some guys say they’re not romantic and don’t know how to show love in this way but dude, you gon have to learn! There is something about a man knowing when to slip his hands into his woman’s hand as they walk down the road or giving her a kiss on the forehead or holding the door and just generally publicly displaying that he cares about her. Some guys have this down pat but for the brothas who don’t, LEARN. It’s very important for women. Have you heard that song “Practice makes perfect sense when it comes to love”? Well, it definitely applies here and you’ll get better at it especially when you see her reaction. I will categorize sending her flowers and chocolate and all those lovely surprises here. When a man goes out of his way to show a woman how much he cares about her, no matter who’s “watching’ (cos you know if it’s flowers to the office, people will be “watching”), it makes her feel extra special and loved – like a princess! Hehe. Let me add that “thoughtfulness” is VERY key. Don’t send her flowers just because everyone sends flowers cos she might actually not like flowers. Lol. This is where being a good listener comes in again. Listen to what she tells you over time. Is there something (no matter how small), she’s been planning to get or do? How about surprising her with that instead of flowers. “It’s the thought that counts.” And for women, it’s usually not about quantity but quality. If she knows your heart is in it, she’ll feel loved.

Be Available, Be Present, Pay Attention

Speaking of being there, mind, body, and spirit, remember these two words guys:  BE THERE. Your woman needs to feel like you are there. Like she has your attention. It reassures her that you care. Include her in your plans. Let me repeat that, include her in your plans. Make plans around her. Forfeit “guys’ night out” for her and let her know you are doing that. Simply be there. Women need you around. Most women TREASURE quality time. She might not always demand it from you but I believe most women crave it. Quality time to just sit and talk (that word again. Lol). Quality time to be quiet, together. Quality time to dream together. Quality time to grow together. When you spend time together, love grows. Again, this might be awkward for some guys but you’ll have to learn, yo!

This is in no way an exhaustive list of things you can do. This is just scratching the surface!

Loving a woman is not really as hard as it seems. We care about the little things contrary to popular belief. We are sometimes hard to understand but you gotta love us!  When a man loves a woman, she knows it. Don’t let her ever be in doubt because I like to believe you really do love her but sometimes you might not know how to show her or know what she needs to feel loved.

Ladies, please you gotta chime in! Let’s help the brothas love us better!

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