Perhaps,
we (women) are the cause of our limitations. Take urban societies in
Nigeria for instance. In a society where the worth of a woman is judged
by her beauty rather than her desire to achieve goals to better her
people, Nigerian women have gone the extra length to re-define the
concept, even taking life-threatening risks to mould themselves into the
acceptable Western standard of beauty.
A few weeks ago, I heard a story that would change everything I
believe in. On the way to town, my friend met an old friend of hers whom
she thought was happily married. The young lady looked older than her
age and her eyes barely concealed the hurt she was trying so hard to
hide. After several minutes of talking with her, my friend learnt that
the lady, who got married few years ago, was thrown out of her marital
home. For a long time she had suffered physical abuse from her husband
and finally, she was thrown out with no job to support herself with. At
the end of the conversation, my friend did not quite understand the
reason for the abuse but she left the lady feeling dejected. The lady
had somehow managed to convince herself that she deserved the abuse.After I heard the story, it occurred to me that it would be quite difficult to convince a woman who had sentenced herself to a life of self-torture that she was worth more than the measly value she had placed on herself, even if the government had to tear down the walls of her ears and scream it into her brain. The government’s efforts at empowering women can only do so much. It also occurred to me that like the golden fleece of Jason and the Argonauts, we still have not been able to fully grasp if women really need to be empowered as much as they need to be enlightened.
The concepts of enlightenment and empowerment are like twins in a pod; they share the same space but are quite different. Enlightenment refers to such terms as broad-mindedness, comprehension, literacy and insight. It is an illumination that stems from an inner knowledge or conviction. Empowerment, on the other hand, seeks to liberate from external forces.
Women empowerment is the breaking of personal limitation; limitations rooted in universal and local norms and culture. What we believe, the way we do things have a way of shaping our existence and our belief in reality. Yet, time and time again, the world has shown us that there are always better ways of doing things and that most things we previously thought existed, were in fact a lie (remember the theory that the world was originally thought to be flat). But in the case of women, many things are yet to change.
Perhaps, we (women) are the cause of our limitations. Take urban societies in Nigeria for instance. In a society where the worth of a woman is judged by her beauty rather than her desire to achieve goals to better her people, Nigerian women have gone the extra length to re-define the concept, even taking life-threatening risks to mould themselves into the acceptable Western standard of beauty. Gone are the days of virtue and hard work; the average Nigerian young woman would rather ‘enhance’ herself to attract the attention of a wealthy man, only discovering years down the line, that beauty is only skin deep. In the end, beauty fades, but brains reign.
Women have accepted to be bound by the unhealthy mentality of ourselves in the society. Take for instance the case where a successful career woman thrives, we are quick to point out her flaws rather than celebrate her strengths. When a marriage ends in a divorce, we are quick to point to the woman; whether she is working or not. When a woman is raped, the first question is ‘what was she wearing?’ When she graduates top of her class, ‘which lecturers did she sleep with?’ When she can’t have a child, ‘there must have been an abortion in her life’. No matter what women do right or wrong, many times, there is always someone pointing to how weak and flawed women are in the society. This is, of course, minus the silent competition by women to outdo each other.
It is quite obvious that women do not know their worth in the society, and unless each woman gets to the stage of illumination and enlightenment, it is difficult to truly liberate her from her own limitations. Perhaps it is what the online platform Fabulous-City.com seeks to do – to provide a platform for Nigerian women to realize that they are more than the value they have pegged themselves with; that every woman has the mandate to visualise, pursue her goals and contribute to the nation’s socio-economic development but she must not shun her family responsibilities; that every woman must think of herself as a complete individual by herself, and not as an attachment to a man. This is not to say that women don’t need husbands – not at all. This is to say that a woman should decide to marry not as a means to an end – the end of which is happiness – but if she should decide to marry, because she is happy about being who she is – a woman first before someone’s wife.
Finally, I will leave you with the advice by an accomplished professional, Chief Mrs. Bola Kuforiji Olubi. According to her, women must adjust their mentality for winning and forget past frustrations which have led many to peg their aspiration low. She suggested that women should grant themselves intellectual liberation and cast away timidity while expressing informed and enlightened boldness and confidence. Finally, she said that rather than depend on the use of feminine attraction, women should be able to match aspiration with ability, ambition with qualification; and be informed while exploiting legitimate opportunities to foster their career potentials.
YNaija.com
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