Strauss-Khan, Wigwe et al: The problem with the Penis.
When it comes to how the BBC covers Nigeria, you are allowed to call the news organization a dick. That is the word the Americans prefer to use for the penis. In this case of the BBC, it refers to someone who is inconsiderate. The British has since lost an empire but the BBC still carries on as the mouthpiece of an empire.
But you also have to give it to the BBC. More than any other news organization in the world, the BBC goes into every corner of the globe to bring you the news.
One of such uniquely BBC stories is a recent tale from Bangladesh.
A 40-year-old Bangladeshi woman named Monju Begum recently severed the penis of her neighbor who allegedly attempted to rape her.
The BBC reported that the married mother of three resorted to that extreme measure while she fought off Mozammel Haq Mazi, a neighbor who had been harassing her for months. Mrs. Begum claimed that Mr. Mazi snuck up to her while she was sleeping. The incident took place in the village of Mirzapur, in Jhalakathi, about 124 miles away from the capital, Dhaka.
The women took the time to wrap the penis up in a piece of polythene and took it to Jhalakathi police station as evidence of rape.
(Pause for a second and appreciate the significance of this. If it were in Nigeria, that woman would have been arrested for tampering with the evidence.)
Meanwhile, doctors at the hospital in Barisal, where Mazi was being treated, said that they would not be able to re-attach the penis of the 40-year-old father of five. “We are treating him so that he can urinate normally without a penis,” a hospital spokesman told the BBC.
Mr. Mazi is not going to be as lucky as John Wayne Bobbitt who got his penis re-attached in America.
(Pause again but do not try to visualize any thing. For one, he will not try it again. In fact, he will not bring it out again. But if you must visualize anything, begin by thinking what the penis did when it saw the knife? And going forward, what penises will now do when a woman picks up a knife beside them.)
As it is with stories like this, the woman is not going to have the last word. From his hospital bed, Mr. Mazi told the BBC that Mrs. Begum was making up stories. He alleged that he had a 15-year-old affair with Mrs. Begum. He claimed that he was a victim because he lost a penis, a lover and now risks arrest.
In his version of what happened, he said that Begum became mad when he refused to elope with her to Dhaka. “I refused,” Mr. Mazi told the BBC. “I told her I cannot leave my wife and children, so she took revenge on me.”
Surely, Begum and Mazi will need Judge Judy to settle this one. Whatever be the outcome of the case, Monju Begum has answered an important poser that threatened women have faced for ages. “Disarm all rapists,” has been the cry. Begum’s answer to that was: “It’s not their arm that I’m worried about.”
The story of Mr. Mazi and Monju Begum reminds me of the story of Ambassador Wigwe and his wife. The same kind of tale will play out when the former chief of the IMF, Mr. Dominique Strauss-Khan’s case begins in New York.
As the news of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child with his housekeeper broke out, a woman said to me that the solution to men’s infidelity was to cut off their penises.
I bet you that when we finish perambulating, we will come to that conclusion we all dread: there is a serious problem with the penis -that thing, without a bone, that rises by itself -sometimes, without prompt.
Since the beginning of time, women have been working on the domestication of men. By that, I simply mean civilizing the penis. Or should I say, teaching it proper etiquettes. But it is difficult. One of the reasons why it is tough is that the penis has only one eye. It cannot look up unless someone holds it. Most of the role plays being taught at Penis Domestication workshops escape it.
In the last century, a full scale feminization of men has been going on. But I’m sorry to report that it has not worked. The feminization of men led to the mass production of gay men. Women love gay men, but gay men have not been able to fulfill the role of men in women’s life.
So the experimentation continues.
As women often say, men are still thinking with their penis. And if you are familiar with the penis, you will notice that it has no brain. When you pour cold water on it, it shrinks. What kind of serious equipment reacts that way? When you pour hot water on it, Dick Cheney said, it makes the man reveal a secret. If you punish the penis too much, it throws up. And the moment it throws up, it recoils. A recoiled penis learns nothing.
So what do you expect from the penis?
Maybe we should abandon the fantasy of educating the penis altogether. Let it live in its natural bushy state. The idea that a man can control himself when the penis is in the driving seat has consumed the world for the last 100 years. During this period we have left undone important things we ought to have done.
I’m for cutting off men’s penises.
I believe most men will gladly accept that. If, an only if, such a drastic move will stop the vagina monologue.
Please correct me if I’m right.
One of such uniquely BBC stories is a recent tale from Bangladesh.
A 40-year-old Bangladeshi woman named Monju Begum recently severed the penis of her neighbor who allegedly attempted to rape her.
The BBC reported that the married mother of three resorted to that extreme measure while she fought off Mozammel Haq Mazi, a neighbor who had been harassing her for months. Mrs. Begum claimed that Mr. Mazi snuck up to her while she was sleeping. The incident took place in the village of Mirzapur, in Jhalakathi, about 124 miles away from the capital, Dhaka.
The women took the time to wrap the penis up in a piece of polythene and took it to Jhalakathi police station as evidence of rape.
(Pause for a second and appreciate the significance of this. If it were in Nigeria, that woman would have been arrested for tampering with the evidence.)
Meanwhile, doctors at the hospital in Barisal, where Mazi was being treated, said that they would not be able to re-attach the penis of the 40-year-old father of five. “We are treating him so that he can urinate normally without a penis,” a hospital spokesman told the BBC.
Mr. Mazi is not going to be as lucky as John Wayne Bobbitt who got his penis re-attached in America.
(Pause again but do not try to visualize any thing. For one, he will not try it again. In fact, he will not bring it out again. But if you must visualize anything, begin by thinking what the penis did when it saw the knife? And going forward, what penises will now do when a woman picks up a knife beside them.)
As it is with stories like this, the woman is not going to have the last word. From his hospital bed, Mr. Mazi told the BBC that Mrs. Begum was making up stories. He alleged that he had a 15-year-old affair with Mrs. Begum. He claimed that he was a victim because he lost a penis, a lover and now risks arrest.
In his version of what happened, he said that Begum became mad when he refused to elope with her to Dhaka. “I refused,” Mr. Mazi told the BBC. “I told her I cannot leave my wife and children, so she took revenge on me.”
Surely, Begum and Mazi will need Judge Judy to settle this one. Whatever be the outcome of the case, Monju Begum has answered an important poser that threatened women have faced for ages. “Disarm all rapists,” has been the cry. Begum’s answer to that was: “It’s not their arm that I’m worried about.”
The story of Mr. Mazi and Monju Begum reminds me of the story of Ambassador Wigwe and his wife. The same kind of tale will play out when the former chief of the IMF, Mr. Dominique Strauss-Khan’s case begins in New York.
As the news of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child with his housekeeper broke out, a woman said to me that the solution to men’s infidelity was to cut off their penises.
I bet you that when we finish perambulating, we will come to that conclusion we all dread: there is a serious problem with the penis -that thing, without a bone, that rises by itself -sometimes, without prompt.
Since the beginning of time, women have been working on the domestication of men. By that, I simply mean civilizing the penis. Or should I say, teaching it proper etiquettes. But it is difficult. One of the reasons why it is tough is that the penis has only one eye. It cannot look up unless someone holds it. Most of the role plays being taught at Penis Domestication workshops escape it.
In the last century, a full scale feminization of men has been going on. But I’m sorry to report that it has not worked. The feminization of men led to the mass production of gay men. Women love gay men, but gay men have not been able to fulfill the role of men in women’s life.
So the experimentation continues.
As women often say, men are still thinking with their penis. And if you are familiar with the penis, you will notice that it has no brain. When you pour cold water on it, it shrinks. What kind of serious equipment reacts that way? When you pour hot water on it, Dick Cheney said, it makes the man reveal a secret. If you punish the penis too much, it throws up. And the moment it throws up, it recoils. A recoiled penis learns nothing.
So what do you expect from the penis?
Maybe we should abandon the fantasy of educating the penis altogether. Let it live in its natural bushy state. The idea that a man can control himself when the penis is in the driving seat has consumed the world for the last 100 years. During this period we have left undone important things we ought to have done.
I’m for cutting off men’s penises.
I believe most men will gladly accept that. If, an only if, such a drastic move will stop the vagina monologue.
Please correct me if I’m right.
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