My name is Abdulmalik Tijjani Ibrahim. I’m a muslim of the
Hausa-Fulani extraction, and NO I do not own an AK-47, neither am I
suicidal. I love and practice my religion and those who throw bombs in
the name of it are mere miscreants and do not sum up to 0.1% of our
population. I’m a Chemical Engineer working with a major oil corporation
in Nigeria. I was born in Azare town, Katagum L.G.A of Bauchi State,
Nigeria. I have 30 siblings and a retinue of cousins, nephews and
nieces, plenty of whom I can only identify by their faces. My father had
three wives and treated them all fairly until his demise in a car
crash. My sisters, thirteen of them, are all happily married with kids,
neither of whom was forced into an arranged marriage. I grew up playing
‘Nintendo’ and watching Ninja Turtles, The Simpsons and the likes. I
play basketball and scrabble. By God’s leave, I graduated at the
hierarchical top of my class, and NO I did not pay my way through. I’m a
budding writer and linguist with a bias for anything socio-political.
For the blue-collar, job seeking self-appointed whizkids from lagos, I
sat for and went through the rigorous 5-stage recruitment process of
KPMG, before declining the offer. I read books of diverse contents; from
the biography of Peter the Great of Russia to the latest editions of
‘Vanity fair’ and ‘Ebony’ magazines. Contrary to popular opinion, I know
that Volkswagen is the biggest car maker in Europe, bigger than both
Mercedes and BMW. I’m a social animal and sports junkie with a knack for
anything entertainment, and yes Ada I know Forbes Magazine and I own a
facebook account as well. I know of a fact that despite the laughable
release of his latest single ‘Oyato’, D’banj remains Nigeria’s biggest
entertainment export. I’m infinitley passionate about my origin but do
not believe for a fringe moment that it is my birth right to rule
Nigeria at the expense of other ethnicities. I agree and advocate that
the oil producing communities of the South-south should receive the
vital intervention they rigtlhy deserve, but frown vehemently at the
pedestrian mentality of my friends from the creeks that it is their
‘oyel’ and that all others should rot.
Forgive me if I have bored you with a long recital of my background,
I do not do this much often. The essence is to inform the misinformed,
to enlighten the unenlightened, to tell those who have refused to hear.
In my short living as a human, I have been the subject of a detailed and
comprehensive study by my brothers and sisters from the South. For the
average Southerner, the mere mention of a name like Mohammed casts his
mind to the medieval times, where people walk around in rags. Countless
of times I am been asked ‘are you sure you’re Hausa?’, ‘did you grow up
in the North ?’ And to think that all these questions are predicated on
the fact that I’m able to open my mouth and run through an English
sentence correctly with the right accent is even all together laughable.
What is funnier though is if you were to ask these questioners if
they’ve ever been to the North or have had any cause to relate with
Northerners, they retort with the lazy excuse that growing up they had
this ‘maigad’ who was always haughty and aggressive. So I’m like, ‘but
of course, what do you expect from an uneducated, poor fella?’ I mean
poverty and illiteracy transcend the realm of ethnicity, so also are
their traits.
For the record, i’m just your average willy go-lucky joe. Countless of
‘me’ are churned up everyday in the far east and west of the desert
North. To my bothers and sisters from the South, I implore you come down
from your high ‘horses’ and come pay us a visit. You’d be glad you did.
See you.
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